“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it”

Hello there Minions,

The above quote comes from John Steinbeck. I have been drawing a blank when it comes to appropriate titles. Given that I am a hack, I stole another one. In a few moments you will see that this quote is somewhat applicable.

I hope the 8 of you are doing well. (Yet again, I have had another formal acknowledgment of somebody’s desire to read the garbage that I spew out onto this esteemed literary masterwork; however, due to my laziness or lack of creativity/wit, it will not be long before another one of you vanishes like K-State’s chances of making the NCAA tournament.) (I wrote this line before the Wildcats crushed KU in Manhattan, I will not remove or change that analogy because I find it amusing even if I am probably wrong.)

All is well here, kind of. I have never been more ready for winter to end. For the second time in the last month, I am sick. This truly sucks. I use to get strep throat once a year (last year I came down with the day I arrived back in the States; consequently I spent my birthday at the doctors and receiving antibiotic shots in my ass); other than that, I am usually not sick. Now that I have succumb to illness twice in a month, I feel like my friend Miller. Miller is a very talented writer and he writes a blog with very informative movie reviews. However, Miller has a very weak immune system (due to his excessive consumption of Mountain Dew and Doritos) and gets ill frequently and looks very sickly, all the time. Other than my amazing ability to get sick and the winter continually kicking my ass, there is not a lot to report.

Last week I traveled to the old and beautiful city of Yaroslavl. I traveled there with seven other companions. This means there were a total of eight travelers. I wish there had been one more so that I could make Lord of the Rings references throughout this post. In regards to the weekend excursion, it was awesome! It was, without a doubt, one of the most fun weekends I’ve since I moved to Russia. The weekend began with a very stupid decision on my part (which is probably why I am sick, again): I did not go to sleep the night before our departure. A couple of friends and myself went to dinner around 10:00 on Friday night. We did not finish dinner until around midnight, so I thought to myself, “I have had a couple of drinks, so if I go home and sleep, it shall be very hard for me to wake up. I think the best decision would be to stay up all night.” That is exactly what I did. I stayed out all night, took a taxi home an hour before I needed to be at the train station so I could shower and pack. I did this, it was dumb, yet it was awesome. I slept the entire 4 hour train ride and deprived myself of viewing the snow-capped Russian countryside. I am a moron.

Once we arrived to Yaroslavl, we immediately went to the banya. This was my first experience in the Russian banya. It was pretty damn cool. For the 7 of you who are unfamiliar with the Russian banya, I shall inform you: You strip down to your birthday suit, sit in very hot steam (makes a sauna look like the NIT), then submerge yourself into cold water, relax, drink water/tea/beer/vodka, the repeat this process. You are also given leaves to beat the crap out of each other. This is mean to open the pours of you skin. All in all, pretty amazing experience.

Once we finished the banya, we headed over to the Yaroslavl Kremlin. When compared to the Moscow Kremlin, it sucks. However it is beautiful and was very nice to see. You will not see any pictures from Questions Online Diary because I left my camera at the apartment. The best part of the Kremlin was outside of the walled fortress. On the banks of the Volga, a gentlemen had a hovercraft and he was willing to give rides on the frozen river, at a cost of 200 rubles per person. It was worth it. He was doing doughnuts on the river and was talking about how there some patches of the river where the ice was not so thick. It was very reassuring.

Beyond this, the rest of the trip was just spent relaxing. After the joyride on the Volga, we went to a cafe in the center of the city. Sitting at the table next to us, were 4 well behaved gentlemen. I would venture to guess that they had been at this cafe for at least 3 hours and were now deep into their 3rd bottle of vodka. After we were the for 30 minutes, 3 of the gentlemen fell asleep. This was before the sun had completely set. Later that night we went and had an amazing dinner at a restaurant on the banks of the Volga and then went to a giant club that was also on the banks of the might Russian river. Yet again, like an idiot, I stayed up until 7 30 in the morning. This is probably why I am sick.

The next day, we went to McDonald’s, which was lovely and then walked around the city. This time I had my trusty Nikon. Here are some of my below-average pictures:

An old city gate

Just hanging out on the Volga embankment

4 dudes just being vagrants in front of a church

The mighty Volga river, frozen.

All in all, the previous weekend was pretty amazing. This latest weekend sucked. Being sick sucks. The winter sucks. However, I must give a special thank you to my Dutch flatmate, Rolf. When he was back in the Netherlands, he mailed himself 2 gargantuan boxes of food. One of them contained the greatest drink in the history of the world: Dr. Pepper.

Well, I must run. I will try and speak to the 8 of you soon. Next post I will try and introduce a little segment, “Things that piss me off.” This probably will not happen:(

Ta Ta,

?’s

Oh, the Weather Outside is…..crap.

Good Evening Minions,

First let me begin by saying that I failed horribly at getting a new post up within a week of my last one. It has almost been one month. I recognize the fact that I am lazy, the 7 of you are aware of this. However, I have not felt lazy in the last month. I feel like I have actually been very busy. In reality, I have not been that busy. In reality, my mind and body move at a rate similar to that of a three-toed sloth. I mean to say that I am both slow and dumb:)

All is well here in Moscow. Old Man Winter has really been taking a dump on this city the last two days. It hasn’t been too cold, but that should change tomorrow. The forecast calls for -25 C tomorrow and the best part is that these temperatures should last for the next 2 weeks.

My mood over the last month has been good for one reason: sports. The Jayhawks are looking pretty amazing, again. We just finished embarrassing our enemy to the East. I did not get to watch the game because it was on at the ass-crack of dawn. Now you are probably saying something to yourself like, “A dedicated fan would have inconvienced himself to get up and watch his beloved Jayhawks kick the living crap out of the inferior neighbor across the border.” Well, I am a dedicated fan, but my laziness and Diva-type attitude require at least 6 hours of beauty rest a night. So, there. Anyway, the Hawks are rolling and Liverpool is looking good. Therefore, my sanity is still intact.

Anyway, back to telling you about my holidays (since they are only 2 months ago). I had the most interesting Christmas Eve of my life: First, my friends and I went to the church service at the Anglican Church near Red Square. It was a very nice service; the interesting part came after. When the service finished; a couple of friends and I went to the Irish pub around the corner to have a couple of Christmas pints of Guinness. About halfway through the first glass some commotion came through the entrance: 4 neo-nazi  skinheads came in with their heads gashed open and they were bleeding all over the pub. I found out later that these refined or esteemed gentlemen of Moscow society had picked a fight with some Turkish guys in the bar next door. The Turkish men came out on the winning side of things, which is nice.

Christmas Day was an entirely different story: A lovely English couple who have been very kind friends to many people in the expat community invited us to their home to celebrate Christmas. It was an absolutely wonderful day. We exchanged presents, ate way too much, and I fell asleep after opening the presents, way before the children did. All in all, it was a pretty amazing day. Thank you to the Fisher’s! And thank you to Daniel. More importantly than being a gracious host, he was a very gracious loser. He lost a little wager with yours truly regarding the United States/England match in the World Cup. His penance: wearing my woman’s Christmas sweater. Please see pictures below:

Now, onto New Year’s Eve. It was a pretty low-key night. My friend’s had a party at their flat, and it was nice. We celebrated it in the traditional Russian manner: ate, drank, and watched the President address the nation right before midnight. Then at midnight, we watched fireworks shoot off over Park Kultury.

A couple of days after the New Year, 3 of my Dutch friends and I embarked on a mini journey to the city of Kursk. Kursk is the the site of the largest tank battle in the history of humanity. But you still might be asking yourselves, “Why would one choose to go to Kursk?” Well, that is an excellent question. I still have no idea how we came to the conclusion that Kursk would be a fantastic destination. I’m very happy I went, it was not a bad city, there just wasn’t much there. The first McDonald’s had literally opened 5 days before our arrival. This meant that lines in the Micky D’s were spanning half of the entire restaurant. However, this did not phase my friend Herbert. He was craving McDonald’s like Charlie Sheen craving and 8-ball of smack. Each day we were in Kursk we ate at the Golden Arches at least once. It was awful.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas/New Year’s/Kursk:

Hanging out in the restaurant cart so we did not have to smell the baby craping in our compartment

On the train to Kursk

bigger jackass

jackass

Not a turban. Feel free to guess…

Fireworks after midnight

Even though I have lived in Moscow for a year and a half, I’m still doing the jackass thing and signing the guestbook

Well, that is all for now. Speak soon.

Ta Ta

?’s